When we find ourselves becoming increasingly annoyed, upset or fearful around someone’s behaviour and attitude over an extended period of time, here’s what tends to happen for many people: 1. We start to have increasingly negative thoughts about that person/persons which in turn causes us to experience a greater level of unpleasant emotions such as…
You’ve asked them once, you’ve asked them a second time and yet the behaviour still keeps happening. How to address behaviour that persists despite your feedback about it. Transcript Hi Mary Rafferty here Today I want to talk to you about a question that came up yesterday in a seminar I was delivering to a…
“I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” (Alan Greenspan, American Economist) It’s so easy to mishear and misunderstand what others are saying to us and vice verse, particularly when tensions are starting to rise. Here’s a simple…
Ever feel you’ve hit a brick wall (or an iceberg!) when trying to get your point across to someone? No matter what you say they just won’t listen. Here’s another way to think about how to handle this situation: Video Transcript Mary Rafferty here, in today’s video I want to share an analogy that can…
Video Transcript Hi, Mary Rafferty here. In this video today I want to talk to you on the topic of dealing with difficult people. This is a very broad subject and there are so many variables that will influence how best to respond or deal with any particular situation where you’re experiencing another person as…
Does a person on your team sap everyone’s energy? Do you find yourself putting too much time and attention as a manager on their behaviours? Are you constantly listening to grumblings from others about them? When people come for coaching in these situations, they are usually looking for a list of strategies. How can they…
A common question in ‘Difficult Conversations for Managers’ workshops is what to do when it feels like you are in one of those fruitless dialogues, repeating the same thing without achieving anything. The other person isn’t listening or taking on board what you need them to hear or understand. A recent example was where a…
Think about the last ‘difficult’ conversation you had to have with someone. Did you find yourself using some version of the phrase ‘Yes…but…’? You were trying to get your point across but they didn’t seem to be listening. Despite all your attempts to clarify where you were coming from in a reasonable and rational way,…
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” ~ Anaïs Nin The above quote neatly captures the psychological phenomenon, that while there is a factual and concrete reality out there, none of us have a truly objective view. There can be many different perceptions of the same situation. As an…
“If I had an hour to solve a problem and my life depended on the solution, I would spend the first 55 minutes determining the proper question to ask, for once I know the proper question, I could solve the problem in less than five minutes.” Einstein The rush to solutions One of the most…
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